Blog: Expectations & Self Reflection

I’ve been noticing overwhelmingly that I’ve been attracting people with problems of dropping the ball. This is true for my closest friends and lovers. It’s true about family as well, but there isn’t anything that I can do about that. There’s always a disconnect somehow and something missing, communication being chief. I want to share a piece of my own “sista’s journey” because I think that I should begin to as I myself am a sista on my own journey.

I’ve been pondering with some words said by Iyanla Vanzant recently about relationships with others and the situations that we get ourselves into for imposing expectations, whether we realize it or not. She raised questions like, “was the expectation agreed upon and clear? or was it assumed?” Well, I think that I’ve grown to a point of being able to check myself on that, some time ago. But I obviously still carry expectations, as do we all. So, what is it that I expect? I guess it can be summed up as communication and follow-through. Whatever was agreed upon, do it. Whatever was communicated, I expect to be made a reality. At least, if it cannot be done or is delayed, that there be communication on that. There is no reason to do that and then leave people hanging.

Well, I believe that you attract what you are. Everyone you form any interaction or relationship with is somehow a reflection of you. So it begs the question, how are these people reflective of me? Am I a person who drops the ball? I’ve come to the conclusion that yes, I am. A perfect example? I’ve had this blog account on wordpress for at least two years now. I clearly have never used it LOL! But I most definitely should have been.

I’ve been sitting with this thought for a few weeks, actually. I’ve always known that I procrastinate but never gave it as much thought. I did not too long ago, search for a root of it. FEAR. Somewhere along the line, I learned this as a response; fear. I procrastinate. I ignore calls & messages. I put things off. I ignore people and tasks. I get distracted. I put other things in the way before the first priorities have been dealt with. I take my sweet time on some things. All without regard for the other people depending on them.

My concern is that of course, my integrity but most of all, I don’t want to be that person with notebooks in piles everywhere, leaflets by the pound, notes and post-its by the bushel, agendas, goals and ambitions unfulfilled and collecting dust. I’ve seen those people in overabundance around here. I don’t want to be anything remotely like that. However, somewhere along the line, I became a woman who does not always honor her agreements. Sometimes yes, sometimes, no.

The first lesson here? You should never expect from others what you yourself will not do.

I can honestly say that I’ve lately been pushign myself not to live in that fear. This blog and the opportunities I provide on it being my case and point. That needn’t be part of my reality anymore. I declare that it IS NOT. I surge forward. But it still remains in part and I still catch myself doing it. Sometimes not even on purpose; Sometimes I just forget. Also, sometime I forget because I’ve distracted myself with other things LOL!

So it is here that I make this pledge to myself to break this habit. To do what it takes to see an end to all unfinished business. And not to accrue anymore spiritual debt. Not to write any more checks with my mouth that I will not cash because what you speak, you have willed into existence. In my culture, your word is your bond; one way or another. I said all this to say and affirm that what you are is what you attract. We must always be conscious of how we interact with others because that is what creates the environment around us in which we live. And when it comes to the people who you “expect” from, who disappoint… well, that’s their spiritual debt to clean up (or not), isn’t it? You mustn’t own that. Be free from it!

I now release everyone from the burden I’ve put on them, expecting them to be what they are not. If I do not keep my agreements with SELF, How can I expect them to? So what if I honor all my agreements with them? All is interconnected. If I drop the ball anywhere, that is what will come back to me. I attract what I am. You attract what you are.

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